Communal narcissism (κοινοτικός ναρκισσισμός)

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In social psychology, narcissism is generally synonymous with grandiose narcissism—a personality trait characterized by inflated opinions of oneself, a sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and limited empathy. But in a 2012 paper, Gebauer and colleagues proposed an agency-communion model, arguing that there are two types of narcissists: agentic narcissists (i.e. typical narcissists) and communal narcissists.

While not recognized as a formal diagnosis, communal narcissism refers to grandiose, inflated perceptions of oneself within a communal environment. Communal narcissists often believe they have excellent social skills and high degrees of likeability and helpfulness. In reality, they are fairly hypocritical, as most of their focus centers on meeting their own intrinsic needs. 

Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex condition that exists on a spectrum, and certain traits manifest differently depending on the person and context. People with communal narcissism, in particular, tend to over-exaggerate their knowledge and aptitude for communal skills. They assume they have extraordinary potential and capability, often believing they are the best listeners, parents, or charitable people on the planet. 

Many philosophers and researchers suggest that we always have some degree of psychological egoism, meaning we all act in ways that motivate our ow n self-interests. That said, people with narcissistic personality disorder have an increased sense of superiority and entitlement. They often become preoccupied with their own fantasies of success. Many times, they struggle with empathy and can be unwilling or unable to recognize true needs in others. Therefore, even if they think they are serjving their community well, this thought may be inherently distorted. 

People with communal narcissism typically value having profound, important roles in society. They often want to “fix” things they deem as needing to be fixed, and they experience immense validation from feeling like they make a meaningful difference. At the same time, their laser-focused desire for such power can be unnerving and detrimental to others. 

Signs of communal narcissism may include:

• Extreme dedication to specific charities or causes: Their devotion may cause them to neglect other important tasks or step on the toes of others.
• Often talking about having a mission or a calling: They consider serving the community to be of utmost importance, and they may deem any other interests as petty or selfish.
• Stirring excess drama or conflict at charitable or work-related events: Rather than focus on achieving a communal goal, they may be more focused on hierarchies or self-inflicted politics.
• Coming across as a martyr: They will mock or degrade people who do not also share the same martyr-like interests (i.e. if they are a vegan, they might lash out at people who eat meat. Or, they might “hate” wealthy people who do not donate most of their wealth).
• Believing they are the best at something: They may have no evidence to substantiate this claim (and others might vehemently disagree with it).
• Only seeming to show concern for societal needs in public: In private, they do not exhibit the same motivations. For example, they might donate lavish amounts of money at an important event, but they wouldn’t ever consider becoming an anonymous donor. Or, they might post about needing to save the planet on social media without actually making a personal effort to do so.

Communal narcissism may look different depending on the scenario. However, there are some common behaviors and patterns to be on the lookout for. Below are examples of communal narcissism in various settings: 

In the workplace, a communal narcissist might try and do your tasks for you because they assume they’re being “helpful.” They may believe that the company would simply deteriorate without them—it’s as if they are the single force keeping the business together. Moreover, they will often look down on colleagues who take time off work or seem uninterested in their job. 

As volunteers, they might try to overstep their boundaries and take on responsibilities, even without adequate training. They may stir drama during charity events and hyperfocus on insignificant details, rather than prioritize the actual volunteering mission. They will often pay attention to how much time or money other people spend devoted to the cause (and judge them accordingly). 

While playing a sport, they’re trying to teach others how to improve their skills instead of focusing on developing their own. They present as overly eager to help, presumably for the sake of the team, while not responding well to direction or advice themselves. 

In a support group like a new moms group, a communal narcissist will be dishing out unsolicited advice to everyone in the group, with the idea that they’re being “helpful.”

While narcissism has gained traction in recent years, communal narcissism is a relatively new term. As of now, it’s rarely talked about in mainstream discussions, although this will likely change in coming years.

People with agentic narcissism and communal narcissism both have self-serving needs. Yet, agentic narcissism focuses more on achieving a sense of self-promotion and admiration. People with communal narcissism, on the other hand, value self-enhancement by being prosocial.

Current research indicates that people with communal narcissism overestimate and overclaim their communal knowledge. Yet, there is no evidence supporting their claims. Likewise, meta-analyses show they possess even less communal knowledge than people without communal narcissism.

Further research is needed on communal narcissism in the workforce, charitable organizations, and political domains. Because communal narcissism can be so nefarious, it’s crucial to continue raising awareness of the typical warning signs. Likewise, research on any crossover effects between communal narcissism and other mental health issues would be beneficial.

The Communal Narcissism Inventory was composed by scholars and published by the American Psychological Association.³ Half the statements apply to present-day thoughts, and the other half applies to future thoughts.

Users must rate on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree) for the following statements to rate their level of communal narcissism:

• I am the most helpful person I know
• I am going to bring peace and justice to the world.
• I am the best friend someone can have.
• I will be well known for the good deeds I will have done.
• I am (going to be) the best parent on this planet.
• I am the most caring person in my social surrounding.
• In the future I will be well known for solving the world’s problems.
• I greatly enrich others’ lives.
• I will bring freedom to the people.
• I am an amazing listener.
• I will be able to solve world poverty.
• I have a very positive influence on others.
• I am generally the most understanding person.
• I’ll make the world a much more beautiful place.
• I am extraordinarily trustworthy.
• I will be famous for increasing people’s well-being.

Dealing with a narcissist can be undoubtedly frustrating for loved ones. It’s important to educate yourself on the condition, common signs and symptoms, and treatment options. Having this awareness can help you feel more informed in how you interact. As a general guideline, aim to remember that you are never obligated to tolerate any abuse or disrespect. Here are five ways to handle a communal narcissist: 

1. Don’t Try to Confront Conflicting Behavior

While you may feel tempted to challenge someone’s hypocrisy, this move almost always backfires. People with narcissism tend to become defensive and angry when given feedback (even if it’s constructive). Instead, it’s better to avoid saying anything at all. They may engage in various narcissistic gaslighting techniques to compensate for their narcissistic rage. For example, they might continue lying and insisting their truth is objective. Or, they might try to convince you that you’re mistaken or otherwise causing problems.

2. Stay True to Your Own Values

Try to avoid letting people tell you how you should think or feel. You can care about your community without feeling pressured to do so. Someone with communal narcissism may belittle or shame you for “not doing enough” or “feeling passionate enough.” Remember that you are your own person, and you have every right to pursue the values and needs that are significant to you.

3. Limit Triggering Interactions

At a minimum, it might be helpful to reduce the amount of time you spend together, limiting your potential to become their narcissistic supply. For instance, if you know you’re going to attend events where their behavior will upset you, set limits for yourself. Agree to commit to only a specific obligation or consider viable alternatives.

4. Implement Boundaries

You can and should set parameters for your relationship. In doing so, remember that you do not have to accept disrespectful language or criticism from others. Boundaries vary, but you can consider the following sample scripts:

• I am not talking about this matter any further.
• That is not something I am willing to do.
• If you ask me again, I will need you to leave my home.
• This matter is not up for discussion.

5. Practice Ongoing Self-Care

It’s easy to become overwhelmed, angry, or reactive when you encounter narcissistic behavior. However, it’s essential to focus on how you can preserve your well-being regardless of someone else’s actions. Self-care can consist of engaging in more mindfulness, finding positive support, and affirming yourself often. It also includes honoring your physical and emotional well-being by getting enough sleep, eating a well-rounded diet, and staying physically active.

People with communal narcissism may not readily seek treatment for their symptoms. They often think highly of themselves, and it’s challenging for them to understand how their behaviors or thoughts may be harmful to others. Some may enter therapy for support with other problems like depression, anxiety, substance use, or relationship difficulties. 

If you exhibit behavior consistent with communal narcissism and want help with your symptoms, talk therapy can provide a safe place to strengthen insight and learn new coping skills. In beginning your search, you should find the right therapist with experience treating narcissistic personality disorder. Consider writing down your symptoms or ranking items on the Communal Narcissistic Inventory to share with your therapirst ahead of time- this gives both of you a stepping point to start treatment. 

Therapy can also provide a safe space for someone who is dealing with a communal narcissist. A therapist can help you determine and keep your boundaries, and figure out when and how to end a relationship or break up with a narcissist. An online therapist directory is a great way to get started and find the support you need from a qualified therapist. If you relate to someone with communal narcissism, it’s normal to feel confused, scared, or angry. Narcissism is a complex condition, but if you’re dealing with a communal narcissist, it’s important that you get the support you need to be able to set boundaries and move forward in a healthy way. And if you identify with any of the descriptors listed above, getting the appropriate treatment can make a huge difference in how you act and feel.

Sources: 

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/finding-new-home/201812/the-communal-narcissist-new-kind-narcissist
• https://www.choosingtherapy.com/communal-narcissism/
• https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1519417-overview